Thursday, February 10, 2011

Picking Movies

When you are on a first date with a guy, let’s be honest: you either see a scary movie or a romantic comedy.
This is easily explained.
If you are seeing a scary movie, the guy is being a slickster by getting the girl to NEED HIM on the first date. The girl is put in a situation where there is fear and stress, and the guy is there to comfort and protect. The girl is forced to cling to her guy when it gets rough.
Now, if you are seeing a romantic comedy, the guy is being a gentleman and letting the girl INDULGE HERSELF on the first date. He knows that she believes that if she gets to watch a wonderful love story unfold in front of her eyes, the very same magic might happen to her with the guy she’s sitting next to.
A scary movie promises a physical connection, but a romantic comedy promises a lasting connection.
This is why I believe that guys who really want to keep their girls will watch an infinite number of romantic comedies to keep them happy.
I have yet to meet a girl who says, “ I just watch all those slasher, zombie, war, and gory movies so that he won’t dump me.”
It just doesn’t work that way.
After probably a year of dating, I slowly started to offer to let Nick choose the movie. Nick at first refused the offer of watching ____insert guy movie here____ and still let me choose. I, being a reasonable female, aware of his patience and efforts in trying to please me, gradually continued to encourage him to choose the movie.
So, with the promise of having a wonderful movie date done his way, Nick and Emily finally choose a guy movie.
As typical, it’s violent, deeply disturbing, and filled with dirty jokes. It’s rated R.
Unfortunately for Nick, this goes horribly wrong.
Emily tries to sit through it. She endures the bloodshed with a queasy stomach, she muffles her screams when body parts get hacked, and she refrains from storming out of the theater at all the offensive jokes.
By the end of the movie, Emily is scarred for life. And she is in a terrible mood.
The plan was crap.

My graffiti art of what happens when he gets to pick.

As Nick and Emily continue their relationship, Emily gets better about watching guy movies, but rules are established and enforced.
1. Nothing rated R for violence.
2. Nothing over PG for being scary.
3. Nothing over PG-13 for inappropriate guy humor.
Emily watches movies that Nick wants to watch, but it’s a risky situation every time.
You know, sometimes I feel bad that Nick has to watch so many sappy movies with me, but the truth is:
The night is just better for both of us if I get to watch what I want to watch.

2 comments:

ashleyallisonlindner said...

I definitely agree with you, picking movies with your boyfriend can be quite then nuisance; however, I love that your boyfriend let you choose the movie you wanted to watch for over a year! I tend to be extremely picky with my choice in movies, but my boyfriend has opened my eyes to ones that I would have never picked out, that are now some of my favorites. Balance is key and even though it is hard sometimes, I think you and your boyfriend have figured that out. He sounds like a gentleman and very special man :)

Darth Nerd said...

Firstly, why do you assume that I'm going to date a girl that needs to cling onto me for strength. My dream girl is Wonder Woman and she isn't afraid of anything, except maybe romantic comedies. And why shouldn't she be? Romantic comedies are the same cookie-cutter story with bad actors, cheesy jokes, and titles that are so long that I've lost interest before I've even finished reading it. I'm just saying, I'd take graphic disfigurement over that torture any day.

Also, why are those two types of movies the only option? Science fiction films, action adventure, and even dramas can provide a reasonable compromise between the two polar opposite film styles that you've listed. And don't try telling me that Star Wars isn't one of the most romantic films of all time. Leia and Han are a classic example of how I learned what sex was, er, I mean, romance.

And lastly, why don't you guys do something else for once? Geez. A head-over-heels lifelong relationship and all you do is watch movies? If that's what finding a soulmate is like then I'm going to be joining Waldo in his quest to remain unseen for all of eternity. Darth Nerd Out!